Disaster averted?

This past week I experienced something that could have threatened my ability to continue nursing my son. And it all started with a tiny spec of dust, or something of that sort.

While visiting a plastics machine shop on an errand for my husband, I felt something go into my eye as someone flopped a sheet of lexan down on a counter. I didn't think much of it at first, I rubbed my eye and went on about my day. But later that night that my eye was swollen and very painful. I rinsed it out as best I could with the shower sprayer on a low setting, and called the eye doc the next morning.

The good news was that the spec was gone, and that only the white of my eye and the underside of my eyelid was scratched and irritated. He wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic ointment, which I assumed would be safe for me to take while nursing (you know what they say about ass-u-me-ing). After all, I had checked the yes box and even circled the word "nursing" on the information sheet I'd filled out at the beginning of my appointment.

Thankfully I read the information packet included with the medication before applying it to my eye. It advised to weigh the benefits and risks to the mother and to either "discontinue nursing the infant or discontinue taking the medication". Discontinue nursing?! Gah!

You hear warnings about having extra milk on hand in case of a situation like this, but I couldn't believe it was actually happening. I did not have nearly enough frozen milk to feed Luc for a week (the length of time I was supposed to be on the medication). I didn't even have enough for two days.

I decided not to take the antibiotic, which was a preventive measure anyway. I would just be very careful to keep my hands clean and not to touch my eye, and I would hope against hope that I didn't get an infection.

I complained to Sarah, who of course immediately offered me some of her abundant freezer stash (can you believe this woman?!). I wouldn't feel right taking her milk though, she's worked so hard to have that stash, and I've admittedly worked much less hard on my two day's worth. But still, I'm humbled by her offer.

I am proud that I've been able to provide breast milk for my son for almost ten months, and haven't had to supplement with formula. Though at this stage of our nursing relationship, introducing formula isn't what worried me... I can't even imagine having to stop nursing him. No nursing in the morning. No nursing before nap times, and no nursing after work. And most importantly, no nursing at night. What would he think? How would he cope? Would he feel like I was rejecting him? Would he even want to return to nursing after a week of being continually turned down? Would he... love me less?

The thought of it just breaks my heart. I'd be absolutely crushed, for both of us. Nursing is a vital part of our relationship. It's one of the things in life that needn't have been threatened for me to appreciate it. I'm thankful for the ablilty to nurse my child every day. And I'm floored that such a tiny thing (literally) could have meant an abrupt end to our nursing relationship. Maybe that's the worst-case scenario. But I'm just glad that my eye is healed, and I didn't have to find out.

And yes, this was the kick in the pants that I needed. I pumped extra hard this week and was able to add two more bags of milk to my freezer stash. It's not much, but it's a start.